Thursday, 1 March 2012

The Art of Turning a UFE to a FE (Part 2)

UFE = Unfertilised Egg
FE = Fertilised Egg

So here we are. MOH (My Other Half) and I are still working on turning our UFE to a FE. It's been an endless round of specialists and tests. What MOH and I have learnt throughout all this is that you need to leave all your inhibitions and dignity at the door. Between you, your partner, your G.P., the specialists, the pathologists, the pharmacist and the myriad of other people who suddenly have a detailed insight into your reproductive process, there really isn’t any room at all for either of these.

There’s nothing like....
  • Divulging the intimate details of everything (and I mean everything) that goes into making a baby with your G.P., gynaecologist and the fertility clinic. Yes, they may be medical professionals, but at the end of the day they’re still strangers who are now privy to information that even your very best friends don’t know.
  • Debating what underwear you will be wearing to the appointment. Obviously very important criteria your gynaecologist will judge you on (not)!
  • The amusement on your gynaecologist’s face when he realises that you have managed your entire reproductive process using an iPhone application.  
  • Receiving praise from the pathology collector along the lines of “Good girl. You did so well.” What am I, ten? But then again, they are big needles and it has been numerous vials of blood...
  • And as it has been numerous vials of blood, walking around with what looks suspiciously like track marks on both your arms (not a good look for work).
  • MOH asking his pathology collector if he could have a lollipop as a reward for being so brave while she collected his blood.
  • Asking the pharmacist for certain products in a barely audible whisper in an effort to protect your privacy in a public place, only to have them repeat your request in a VERY LOUD VOICE.  I'm sorry, I don't think the astronauts in the International Space Station heard you so could you just say that again?
  • The look of horror on MOH’s face when our doctor advised that there are ‘collection centres’ at the clinic for 'samples'. Priceless.
  • The look of horror on my face when we were told that partners may be allowed in the ‘collection centres’. Honestly, who would want to touch anything in those rooms unless it was disinfected with industrial strength, anti-bacterial cleaning agents?
  • Trying to keep the sample jar at room temperature (best not to ask where it had to be ‘stored’) as you rush it to the fertility clinic in an effort to keep everything ‘alive’.
  • The fertility clinic telling you that you've stuffed up the sample because you didn’t follow the rules for how it should be ‘collected’. There are rules???
  • Pretending that you know exactly what those black and white blobs are on the ultrasound monitor. Who knew that your insides looked like that? Like a McDonald's hamburger, it doesn't look like the picture at all!
  • Your gynaecologist rearranging your underwear after they have completed an ultrasound.
  • Your gynaecologist making small talk as they conduct a physical exam (I really don't know why they think this makes it more comfortable).
  • Realising – despite believing you are a mature and modern woman – you harbour some prudish tendencies. See most of the above points.
  • The not-so-funny moments when you discover that there are certain things in life that really do make your heart hurt.  
On bright side, many of  these moments have provided MOH and I with comic relief.  I have no doubt there’ll be plenty more as we muddle our way through this journey. Besides, being able to have a good laugh, especially at oneself, is an essential part of being able to live through life's curve balls. The best part so far – reaffirming that the love MOH and I have for each other really knows no bounds.

To be continued....

Acknowledgements & Dedications: 
I would like to acknowledge MOH, who like me, wanted to continue to share our story. We know so many others who are going through or have gone through these experiences. They not only provide comfort and hope, but help put everything into perspective (especially when they have experienced so many more challenges than we have so far). We regard them as some of the bravest, patient and most resilient people we know. This one is dedicated to them and to all of you who know what this is like.

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