Last month I got to see the world with new eyes. Literally. All thanks to modern technology in the form of laser eye surgery. I cannot even begin to describe the sheer wonder of opening my eyes in the morning and being able to see crystal clear images. For someone who's been living blind for over twenty years, it's been absolutely life-changing.
Actually I feel that I've been looking at the world through new eyes for a little while now, figuratively speaking. If there is a silver lining to our issues with infertility, it's that. I appreciate everyone and everything even more. I find myself saying 'yes' more than 'no'. I think it's amazing that I have the opportunity to do the things that I do professionally and personally. All this has enabled me to put things into perspective, to be more open, to have more fun, to let go, to be genuinely content and to hold firm to the belief that despite any challenge that may come my way, life is still pretty good.My brand new eyes have also enabled me to see something else about myself. I've discovered that I am not a woman who regards motherhood as the pinnacle of my existence and my main purpose in this world. Instead, I am a woman who feels that children would enhance my life - no doubt make it infinitely better, but not necessarily be my life. Kinda like the icing on an already great cake. For those of you who are now regarding me rather unfavourably because of what I've just told you (and I'm well aware some of you are), you're certainly entitled to your opinion. But quite frankly, you're in no position to judge until you walk even a single step in my shoes. In all honesty, I am incredibly relieved that I feel this way. If I didn't I would be undergoing some serious therapy, and my marriage and my entire life would be an absolute mess. As it is I can see that if I could never have children, I would be utterly devastated. However, I also can see myself eventually picking up the pieces and being able to go on with my life . . . and I truly believe it would still be a happy one. This is because I see that there are so many other wonderful people and things in this world that I already have, and so many others still to be explored, experienced and enjoyed. Perhaps I may not get a chance to have some, but I'm sure as hell going to make the most of everything else that comes my way. As someone once said, "the way we experience life often has more to do with how we see the world around us".
This is what I mean about looking at the world with new eyes. It's definitely not about wearing rose-coloured glasses. I can see that it is about making a conscious choice. A choice to allow yourself to see the good in this world. A choice to grab every opportunity and make it happen (I'm a realist - good things don't 'just happen' unless you're prepared to put yourself out there and work for them). A choice to enjoy it thoroughly when it blesses your life. A choice to believe that it will happen again. After all, who wants to live a life forever seeing a glass that is half empty? You'd always be riddled with fear, doubt and discontent. I can't think of anything more miserable than continually looking at the world through that cloudy lens and living that kind of 'half life'.
So here's to waking up every morning with 20/20 vision (yippee). . .
. . . to being able to clearly see a glass that is half full. . .
. . . and to always seeing what's already right there.
"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes."
Marcel Proust
